remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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