i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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