haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
