does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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