i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize