yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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