The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
