Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
