Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
