I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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