Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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