I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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