it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dicks are not precious.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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