What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
