it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
