went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
