peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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