so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
