I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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