Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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