this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
