She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
