I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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