last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
