your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
