I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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