They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
