He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
