In the future we'll all be gay
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
