ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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