a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
