So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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