Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
