roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
