Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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