The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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