I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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