The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
