He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
