I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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