I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I want her autograph on my taint
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
