at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
