just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
