if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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