I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
