just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
