Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
