About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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