Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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