oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
