I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
