I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
