Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
