My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Mom said you looked used
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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