I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
