I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
