I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
