I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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