I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
