Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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