I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Damn victory sex feels great
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