My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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