haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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