I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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