He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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