I smell stomach acid.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
