either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
