is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
